Today is one of those days. I am utterly exhausted and raising a 4 1/2 year old that is constantly defiant does not make it any easier. I read an article recently that really made me stop and think. Today is a day that I wish would just end. I mean this in the most matter-of-fact way. The morning started with screaming and crying. Why you ask? Because it was not time for L1 to get out of bed. No matter if she wakes at 5:00 am she IS NOT allowed to get out of bed until 6:00 am unless she has to use the potty. Instead, she wakes up at 5:15 am, comes into our room, the husband tells her to go back to her room and she proceeds to stand there holding the door open saying, "mom - mom - mom - mom" and I finally sit up and tell her to go back to her room. "But I have to go potty." Then go potty and go back to your room please. You are not allowed out of bed until six zero zero. She then shut the door, went potty, and went back to her room. Not leaving her room until 6:00 am is not new in our home. She is VERY used to this routine. So then why at 5:47 am are L1 and the husband fighting and arguing about whether or not she has to go to her room? UGH.
This all happens after I have spent the entire night nauseated and unable to sleep. We are expecting L3 (in case you didn't catch the hop in the first blog) on January 7, 2014. This is very exciting, but the nausea is killing me. L2 and L3 will only be 14 months apart. YIKES! We are going to have our hands full, but in a good way. I still feel like crap, but want to eat a steak, baked potato and salad.
The husband takes L1 to school and all is well with the world. That is until I get there at 12:30 pm to pick her up and learn that SHE BIT ANOTHER CHILD! My jaw nearly hit the floor. L1 has NEVER bitten anyone. What the hell is wrong with my kid? Seriously?!?!?!?!? I know I posted a blog earlier regarding childhood anxiety and luckily we have been able to keep the anxiety at bay. Now we are dealing with aggressive bad tempers, defying adults and instruction, blaming others for our behavior, and more. It scares me that these are direct symptoms of ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). These are classic symptoms straight out of the DSM-IV. Today is a therapy day so I will of course address this with her. I am also getting a second opinion. I feel like my kid is going to be at an all girls military boot camp by the age of 10! I'm scared.
So today is one of those days that I just want to end. I just want to go in my room, shut the door, eat dark chocolate and watch Nicholas Sparks movies. Some days I wish ... well insert wish here....and that is OK. It is OK to want to be away from your children. It's OK to want to shut them in their room and walk away. It's OK to want to not be a parent some days. And more importantly it's OK to seek therapy and get help. We all have to learn to cope. We all have to learn how to manage our stress and feelings. It's OK NOT to be the parent who bakes all day and wishes that all seven thousand of her children were home 24/7/365. It's OK to just want to be alone. Please moms and dads, don't beat yourself up over the fact that on a particular occasion you don't really like your kid(s). We are human. We all have limits. Know when you are reaching your limit and ask for help. Someone WILL help you. If you don't have anyone, write to me and we will bash it out together...as parents. We love our kids unconditionally and they love us and at the end of the day that's all that matters. They are safe in their bed and us parents manage to live to see another day.
Until next time...
Mrs. P
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